Hemingway's Foyer

And Jesus Wept

Gayne — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 19:29:22 +0000

What in the name of God is going on?

I was just sent this movie trailer, and seeing the word “bra” in the title of Behind the Candelabra, was looking forward to seeing some real man-type entertainment.

Instead I was subjected to Nancy on Nancy after Nancy of Nancy activity: en taking a bubble bath, wearing Nancy sparkly attire, no guns, no hard booze…God help us all.

Worship the code.

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British Nancy Runs From Bigfoot

Gayne — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 23:24:23 +0000

Well, it appears as though my African Bushman tracker / skinner of the past two decades Ball-Ball and I need to head across the pond in our quest to pop a Bigfoot.

Or maybe it’s just a misplaced ape.

Who cares!

I want to kill it.

The Bigfoot was first spotted by British teen Terri Leigh Cox who saw the small man-ape strutting at a public park in Dorset. While Terri snapped some pics, her boyfriend Shaun Bessant ran to the park to investigate. By the time he got there the Sasquatch was gone.

Or so he says.

My guess? He turned Nancy at the very site of the brute.

Brit men tend to be that way.

Worship the code.

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Then Falls Mankind

Gayne — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:40:25 +0000

My houseboy and man of little class Manuel and his brother Zebedee were watching this video in absolute horror. It seems as tho their lack of English skills led them to believe the video was actually real.

“Why he to be mean to de’ man wit the caca?”

Not sure Manuel…Just go get me a drink.

What Kind Of Entertainment Is This?

Gayne — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:53:19 +0000

What the hell is this?

In my day men put on Black-Face to entertain picture show goers. The hoodlums in this movie wear masks…Is this really a movie? Who the hell would watch this?

Russian Bus Driver Knows How To Drive

Gayne — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:31:11 +0000

This Russian bus driver is far from a Nancy.

In fact, he runs Nancies over.

I admire that. I’m often asking my driver Ball-Ball to plow through traffic but he refuses every time.

Maybe I’ll see if I can hire this guy.

Worship the code

Nancy Fails To Harpoon Orca

Gayne — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 20:25:36 +0000

Brian MacGowan from Newport Beach, California was fishing in the Sea of Cortez, in Baja California’s East Cape region with a curious orca appeared just behind his boat. He shared this pic with Pisces Sportfishing general manager Tracy Ehrenberg who in turn shared them with the world via the Internet.

I, for one, would no be bragging that I was three feet from an orca and failed to even attempt to harpoon it.

Worship the code

Concerned Parents Call Authorities Over Little Crap Pile

Gayne — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 22:00:58 +0000

A 9 year old rapper that goes by the name of Little Crap…What? Lil Poopy?

Aren’t those both fecal matter? Then why is one better than the other?

Whatever.

Lil Poopy’s videos have caused some adults to contact the Department of Children and Families with concerns that the MC is being exploited. These folks with nothing better to do complained that in his videos this tiniest member of the Coke Boys rap group slaps a woman’s butt, flashes cash, raps about how good cocaine is, and gyrates on a stripper in a nightclub.

I, of course, see nothing wrong with this behavior as boys need to learn to be men and the earlier the better. So, congrats to you parent(s) of Little Dump. You’re doing a great job.

Worship the code

My Kitchen Lady Selena Guadalupe Is No Selena Gomez

Gayne — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 08:04:13 +0000

My kitchen gal of many a’ year Selena Guadalupe brags that she’s named after the great Selena. I don’t see how that’s possible as Selena Gomez is not only a lovely young thing with firm pouting Latina breasts, lush lips, raven hair, and hips built for yodeling in the gulley (Trust me; My Selena has none of those attributes) but she’s more than half Selena Guadalupe’s age! The age factor alone simply defines logic…What? Who is Selena Quintanilla-Pérez? No. I don’t care if I mispronounced it. I told you years ago that I refuse to even attempt to pronounce names that begin with the letter “Q.” Call it what you like…call it anymore and you’ll be looking for new employment…I thought so. As I was saying, this Selena Gomez gal is one attractive young thing. She should visit the Foyer sometime. I’ll show her what a real man’s like or better yet how a Canadian with bad hair ain’t anything like a real man.

Worship the code

Photo: Carter Smith for Elle.com

An open letter to Kara Vandereyk:

Gayne — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 22:44:41 +0000

Kara,

It was with much disgust that I read of your being charged with gross lewdness in Las Vegas for having sex with a pit bull in your back yard. Reports state that you engaged in this act within full view of your neighbors, including children

What kind of message does this send to children? Following their witnessing of your encounter they now have an extremely jaded view of pit bulls. They probably believe the animal is for rutting with, rather that fighting.

I hope your selfish actions have not turned them against dog fighting.

Perhaps you could turn them pro-fight by hosting one in your yard soon.

Papa

Alyssa Miller Loves Pabst Blue Ribbon

Gayne — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 15:45:03 +0000

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American model Alyssa Miller swung by the Foyer for a few drinks this weekend.

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